Something New About Letting Go

I am not Oprah’s fan. I do like her show though. Some of her talk shows were inspiring. Just like the one that I saw this morning. Something about letting go. Just exactly what I just (finally) did, or I am learning to do these days. I am not saying that I have never learned about letting go before. I have been there so many times. In every experience to be in that situation always bring something new to learn. Once again, I am in that similar point now.

The past few days, I knew I need to once again let go something. For a while I was thinking that I need to let go off a person, someone, a “him”. It is always difficult. It is always hard. Especially when I realize that I do have feeling for this special someone. I know I would get cry-my-self-to-sleep kind of days. I had those days! I have learned to cope it. This case should not be something really new actually. Then recently that I think of it and dig more deep, I know what really hard about this one. Letting go the idea, the dream.

Letting go the idea…

Something that I found even harder to do. Letting go a thing, is sometimes not really difficult yet not so easy too. Letting go someone, is always difficult, never be easy. But letting go the idea, dream…then I found it is even harder to do. The idea about something that has been being your dream. The dream that you think it has already in your hand and just need couple more steps to come true. Slipping through my fingers!

“It was easier to let go the luxury, the people, the life style. But the idea about my happy life that was the hardest thing to let go” that was from the Oprah show this morning. Letting go the idea. Letting go the idea that it would be “perfect” for me and that guy to be a couple. The idea that I could be the good supporter for him in his work as well as he becomes my supporter in my work. The fact that we work in the same agency, we are facing the same challenge in our job, the fact that we have same passion, vision and mission. What a perfect idea for my dream. Not about the easy life. Not about the luxury. With him I know we would never have it. And that’s so fine. Just about working together and share this life together. To love and to be loved. That was the idea. The idea that soon is just so fit with my dream.

Now, once again about letting go. Letting go my idea about this guy. Letting go my “perfection” idea with this guy. Not the idea that was not right. It is just about the grande plan from the Lord that is not similar as mine. Maybe it is not the right time. Maybe still have to wait. But I need once again to take that courageous choice. The choice to walk on the right path by letting go this idea… by once again write a difficult email to be sent to him that I know would change my days once again. The courageous choice to tell him honestly about my feeling. The courageous choice to tell him that I could not live this life with the idea about him that I never sure about, it's just way too long to wait. The courageous choice to restart the idea, to accelerate it with the grande plan from the Lord. Hard. Never be easy.

I do still keep my dream that I believe will come true someday.

Sigh…. and I have sent that email yesterday early morning, letting go that idea.


-June 04, 2011