...another day

She’s typing another text message to another friend now. However, even before she sent the message, she knew already what would be the answer. It would not be different as the four or five friends she sent the same message previously, “already have another planning for tonight or tomorrow.”
“Ok, this is going to be another long night…” she whispered.

“God, please give me another miracle just for tonight. I do not want to be ate by this feeling”, as much as she tried to get up and swallow her pain…

Feel so lonely…and miss him much! (honestly!)

Actually, had I not send the email three weeks ago and we were still in a (unreal) relationship, it would not really make a difference. But… the loneliness this time is just different. There is another pain involve, there were teary days.

So much I am trying to cheer my self up, so much I am trying to think positive thought, still this time feels so unbearable.

Lord, I always believe, this is just a process. Another hard process and You know I can endure it and that I will be just ok. However, this process is way too long, as I am feeling now. So many times I try to run ahead, wishing to speed up the process, but I came to no avail. Not working. Other times I think I could “help” You with my own way. I think I know my self, so why not trying this way. Then, of course unsuccessful. So, no more choice left but obeying You, just obey You. Stay in Your plan, faithfully. After all, I know, You always, always know better than I do.

Take just one step at a time. Finish whatever at “right now”, finish it well, then take another step. Clinging to You more like never before. And not holding onto something that is keeping me from letting go and letting You have Your way in my live.

+ + +
After some same unsurprising answers to her messages, she decided to write. Writing. Pouring out her feeling in words, with a cup of coffee in this familiar café, in the crowd, where she hopes she would not feel so lonely.

Sigh…
She will go home then…and lift the gratitude to the Lord for accompanying her in every step she took this day. 
Tomorrow is another day…another struggle…another victory…another day closer to the end of this part.



June 24, 2011