...and three seasons now

It’s been 3 weeks since the crisis began. 
But actually it’s been more than one month since I (actually) realized that God wanted to show me something. Something big.


And it is BIG.


Last night again I cried out to the Lord. In the last 3 weeks almost every week He has been bringing me to the end of my self, to the edge of my faith, to the end of my rope. Ya, I think for the last 3 weeks, I always got kind of “short” rope. To always drag me back to Him and cling to Him. More than before.


I’m amazed to realize that how hard, how harsh, how difficult the process I have to endure. The refining fire is just bit too hot this time. So, it must be for something real big in the future for me.


I still can not see the bigger picture. I’ve stopped analyzing anything. Stop trying to impart my own idea. What I can see now is God is at work. I’m trying to compile all the puzzles, and give them back to my God, let Him do it His way. I am learning to believe that when I give the puzzles to Him then every piece will fall in the right place. Ya, I am learning. I knew all the theories, what I am supposed to do, what the right things to do, I knew them all since long ago. But it seems, need this hard process for me to apply it, to live them out, not just as theories, but to experience it. And it is hard. Painful. Dead-end feeling.


When I look back, I understand, that on those rough roads and deep valleys, I can see God’s finger prints all over the places. In every corner, up and down. In every tear dropped. He was always there and will always be.


So, if He allows me to have this process, He must have something real BIG for me in the future. By the grace of God, not my own strength, I have chosen to be devoted, not discouraged to God. So, I know the time will soon come, when I come up as the winner…


About him…
It is not fair if I think this hard process is solely for me. I guess he is facing it too. He knows the Lord, he loves God and he even has been serving God longer than I do. He knows what he should do regarding this one. I think he is struggling to…I can not say sorry for him that he has to face this process. And I know he also can not feel the same way for me. It’s all already in His agenda since the very beginning.


Never imagine before that the process would be this hard. But, again, His thoughts are not my thoughts. His ways are not my ways. He has His own plan with His own timetable.
All I wish now, that the pieces start falling in the right place. So soon I can see the bigger picture. As for now, after 3 weeks, I haven’t seen the bigger picture yet.
But I will. He will. We will…

September 10, 2010

Today… after nearly 7 months…
The story has not changed, so much. The bigger picture has not seen yet. And the life still goes on. But I survived. I still believe for that “something big”, that it is happening and that God is working on it. Even what is happening now just show a very very few of that big thing. Even what I wish for seems never come. Even the big thing that seems closer now is totally another thing…


Keep hoping. 
Keep believing. 
The end is not in sight…the best is yet to come.

April 6, 2011

Going to 9 months...
…and things have changed. A lot.
What a journey. Sigh… so many lessons learned and are learning in this 9 months. Too many to be told. But the Lord has been so faithful.


For the things that have been revealed, for the things that are revealing and for the things that will be revealing later, I believe, it’s all good. Because what He does could not be wrong.
I think, up to now I have seen some parts of the bigger picture, but not yet the whole picture. And the bigger picture is little bit different than what I thought before.
Another pain. Another hurt. Another empty feeling.


But…it’s all good.


I am still waiting for the bigger picture. To see another part of the picture, the story.
I still have that dream…and I keep believing, the dream will come true someday, soon. He is still working on it. It takes a while, a bit longer, but will come the day, when I can see the whole picture, to finally close the chapter.


Or, should I close it now?
Why do I feel it’s not the end yet?
Then I believe, His grace is enough and always enough for me on this journey, to end this chapter well.


...because Lord, You always know the best and what You do could not be wrong!

June 12, 2011