End of Month!

Dearest friend,

End of month!!

So, it’s been one month now. Time flies. What another roller coaster month for me. Many ups and downs…tears, hope, faith, questions, hope, faith...

I keep praying, asking God to help me not missing the point, the things He wants me to see and learn. At times, I am tempted to think with my own understanding about why this should happened. Sure enough I never got good answer. Also this month, many times, many times friend, I feel soooo lonely. Every year in June always not much activity for the women here. Many retreats in almost all regions also many staff take leave. For us here, the women team leaders also has no meeting until end of July. The regional usually only invite the national director to come to their retreat. So, really not too many things to do. I write a lot during this time. Also when I feel so lonely, usually during the week end or public holiday. Beside crying, writing for me is another best therapy.

Usually I will also try to meet some friends or other Y-group in J-town. But, somehow this time I don’t really like to meet them when I could meet them. But last week, I was feeling so lonely and I tried to contact some friends, from the Y-group and also other friends, and they all had same answers: they had had their own plan! Even friends that I contacted thru BB didn’t reply my messages when I tried to just have someone to talk to… wow!

Most of my devotional this months actually were so timely. So I know actually that God is keep speaking to me. Like yesterday, I read that Lysa book you gave me, she also discusses from Isaiah 43:18-19, our 2011 verse. But, you know, at times all the devotionals, all the great messages, couldn’t help… honestly, they don’t mean much to me sometimes. Still I cry, whenever I feel my heart is heavy. There’s a big question in my head: “God what are You up to?” At times I wrote in my journal just one word “tired”. I wish I could be like Jen, who always says “I’m excited to see what God have done and what He will do”… hhhmmm…

So, tonight, the last day of this month, I will close it with a “live meeting” with PI-WM, through skype. It’s a monthly prayer meeting in the PI-WM head office in Florida. They are 11hours behind my time, so it will be tonight at 11pm for me here. I still don’t know what to say or share, but it’s about the women here. It’s exciting though to be able to join their meeting and also a privilege for our women ministry to be invited to that meeting. I will go home soon today and pray and go to the guest house. I will stay there tonight as they have internet connection that I need.

So, I know, God is surely doing something for me right now. He is working behind the scene… and I know also that He’s so faithful… But at times, not too easy to keep that in mind and heart. I am (still) crying (again) as I write this. I keep hoping as I write…feel bit heavy. Yes, it’s not my best day… but, I know, it’s part of the process right? And He knows I can do it and as it’s just a part of the process then He will see me through…  

And the very nice song from my online radio in this computer is singing “You Are Good”… timely.

With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
'Cause its more than enough 
Just to know I am loved
And You are good

Keep praying for you too friend…

Love & miss you,

June 30, 2011