Question and Hope

“Hope all is well with you too”

And I really do hope so with you too!

That much we can do now. Can’t do more, as much as I want to…

Almost 3 months and I know I made it pretty good having come to this point. Survived.

Not every question we have the answer. For some questions, we have to wait for long time to have the answer. Other question, the answer comes fast, as the blink of an eye. And another question, you have to wait forever for the answer and most likely the answer will not come in this lifetime. You have to accept it.

My question about this story… “What was that? That past two years?”

I do not know when I will find the answer.

Can’t remember how many times I ask God to please help me out from this situation.

I just can’t live the life like this. If until today I can’t change my heart about him, what did I do wrong?

I know, I realize since long ago that I will never be able to do it by my own strength. That’s why I ask God to help me, I ask His grace to help me, enable me to put him back in his old place, just like the old days, before we had story, before he came to my dreams, before I shed tears for him. Hhmm…

Is it hope?

Is it because I still keep a tiny hope in my heart? Even if it is just a very tiny deep down in my heart. Does it make me feel this way until now?

The tiny hope that helps me to keep smiling… even there is no reason to smile about this story?

That’s another question.

And, not every question we have the answer.

I just have to wait…. in expectation.

Wait on God. He is working on it now…

“Hope all is well with you too”

and… keep the hope!

-Last day of August 2011- 

Still

Something has changed.

I feel it but do not know how to explain it.

I have been praying and I know God hears and He understand.

All the while He hears me.

After all, He knows my heart, He reads my mind.

I have been asking Him to change my heart.

So, is it the answer?

When I feel that it is not the same anymore.

Something has changed.

However, another “thing” still disturb me every time I get contact with anything related to him.

But, no more that strong feeling.

Do I miss it?

Sigh…

After all, deep down in my heart,

still…. I keep that hope, that dream…

Still the same…

Same like 2 years ago…

Still the same…

The Paschal Way

 ...and today, this beautiful poem came to my email, remind me again about His ways, that is so high and beyond my comprehension. and He is always faithful... faithful God.

to walk His path with Him....

"You said that if I walked your path with you

I would experience the blossoming of heaven.

I thought that you meant flowers,

blooms of celebration strewn

along the Hosanna road,

or arranged by flickering candles

in a church filled with peace,

or clustered fragrant in a heart

made into permanent summer by prayer,

or handed to me by friends

who valued flowers as much as I did.

You said that if I walked your path with you

I would discover the sweetness of God

and I expected to be given flowers.

But actually you were talking of thorns

and a cross on the road to dying

and hands and feet pierced by a truth

that I did not want to own

and a feeling of forsakenness

and a letting go

and a love so terrible it came

like a sword in my struggling heart

and finally, nothing but you and I

in the silence of the tomb.

You asked me to walk your path with you

and yes, you did mean flowers

But not the fragile things of a day.

Something of permanent fragrance

and a beauty that can't be measured

by a panacea^* of small comforts.

You were talking of the tomb transformed,

imprisonment into freedom,

crosses into wisdom,

suffering into compassion,

darkness into light,

You were talking of your presence

in a life made large by your journey.

You were talking of resurrections without end."

Joy Cowley

Psalms Down Under

Panacea: a remedy for all ills or difficulties, cure-all (merriam-webster dictionary)