Restart

December 12, 2012

Restart...

I was forced to restart?
Was I?
I chose to restart.
I decided to restart.
Still not knowing how and where the story goes.
But, I did restart it...

Wish me luck this time...

I Hope You Dance

...maybe my journey is not easy.

Definitely it is a lonely one...

But I hope there is someone who keeps telling me to... dance...

Dancing in the rain... dancing among the stars... dancing on the sea...

I hope I dance...

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you standing by the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone

I hope you still feel small when you standing by the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance…
I hope you dance....I hope you dance… 

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone

http://youtu.be/gM_UJbTMY0M 

Fade Away

I felt lonely today.

In silence.

Some dreams, kind of little girl’s dreams… are fading away.

But few of them are still there.

Dreams that are waiting the time to come alive, to be true.

Even maybe for just a little while.

But still there and waiting in the silence.

Lonely.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

False Lover

Very interesting article... and I know I have met and even involved with these kinds of people along the way... maybe even at one time, it was me.
and it's not nice...

Beware of the False Lover

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Ps 30:5)

When a measured assault enters our life we often respond in two different ways. The pain caused by the assault drives us to a place of either embracing the pain or we embrace anything that will make us feel better. That becomes the entry door to a false lover. Men and women each seek to avoid pain in different ways. Larry Crabb has summarized these two unique strategies often used to avoid deep pain:

All of us are trapped by addiction to a desire for something less than God. For many women, that something less is relational control. "I will not be hurt again and I will not let people I love be hurt. I'll see to it that what I fear never happens again." They therefore live in terror of vulnerably presenting themselves to anyone and instead become determined managers of people. Their true femininity remains safely tucked away behind the walls of relational control.

More common in men is an addiction to non-relational control. "I will experience deep and consuming satisfaction without ever having to relate meaningfully with anyone." They keep things shallow and safe with family and friends and feel driven to experience a joy they never feel, a joy that only deep relating can provide. Their commitment is twofold: to never risk revealing inadequacy by drawing close to people and, without breaking that commitment, to feel powerful and alive. Power in business and illicit sex are favorite strategies for reaching that goal.¹

Many times we seek to deal with our pain through various forms of addictions designed to resolve the inner pain we feel. All addictions represent a counterfeit desire for genuine love and intimacy. We conclude these lesser desires are legitimate needs instead of band-aids of our fleshly soul. These addiction lovers become isolation chambers created for ourselves designed to mask our pain.

Every human being has a desire to be loved. When we do not feel loved because of some event in our lives we seek to reconcile this emotional pain. So, if you are fighting any kind of addiction--over control of people, sex, drugs, alcohol, workaholism, shopping, overeating--you are seeking to fill a void only God can fill.

Pain has a useful purpose in our lives. Facing it, rather than medicating it, allows us to move to a place of discovering a capacity for a different kind of joy. That is the purpose of pain. We must let inner pain do its work by experiencing it fully. It feels like a contradiction to actually embrace the pain, but it is the only remedy for moving past it so it can yield its purpose in our lives. Otherwise we will remain unaware of our deeper desire for God and be driven toward a false lover.

¹ Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams, Waterbrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO 2001, p.95

==============

Source:  Today God is First, October 15, 2012

Bitter Sweet Memory

March 2011...
just reading the email from you. One of many emails from you.
Smiling...

I still have smile on my face when I read that email. 
It was nice.
and still is nice.

...bitter sweet memory

.... I think I miss you

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

 

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Pablo Neruda

His Eye is On Your Dream

Today...

When once again I came to the same point, deep in my heart, the same very familiar place that I keep visiting for the past three years.

Read this poem again... 

and help my self to dream again...

Some sit on your chest, pressing tenacity and perseverance. 

They grab your hands, loosening that which consumes and withdraws you from taking hold of them.
Others are wall flowers. Pleading dance card in hand. 

They dare a glance up, desperate for you to see, "I'm waiting."
There are those you stalk, sleep on their front stoop. Break and enter into their impenetrable fortress.

Still other dreams are miles away, pacing their steps toward you. 

Upon meeting in the middle, realization hits: you'd know that face anywhere. 

Every step toward this union finally makes sense.

Some dreams captivate us and come true with little effort

Some wait for us to take hold of them

Some block us out, making us work for their fruition

Some are so private, even we don't know they exist until we enter them

All have commonality of one thing: the Giver. 

He sees the heart that dares to rush into a dream headlong and rejoices when it comes true. 

His eye spies the soul a tad shy and scared to go after what it longs for and holds her hand encouraging. 

Without fail, the weary and frustrated remain in His view and care. 

And His glance does more than pass by the one who excitedly recognizes a discovered dream...

He whispers delighted wisdom her way.

Not all dreams will come true. 

Not all dreams that come true will equate to easeful joy. 

That's just the way it can be. 

But one certainty is and was and will always be true: His eye is on you.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ~Matthew 6:26

==================================

Quoted  from: Proverbs31 Ministries, June 18, 2011

I Want To Dream Again

...prepare my heart to risk again....

...I want to dream again...

Here I stand at a crossroad again

Like You said in time the seasons change

Looking back

I recall the blessing and the pain

But now I turn my heart toward

What is still to come

I want to dream again

Lead me Lord

Into a life of fruitfulness

Prepare my heart to risk again

As I trust

Taking simple steps of obedience

I know You will lead me Lord

Inspired by this song:

 

http://youtu.be/3ZhtNXi1LhA

How long is too long?

How long is too long?

3 hours, 3 weeks, 3 months, three years?

What make you survived?

Why and how?

I was thinking 3 months was too long. Then I survived.

I stayed.

I kept my hope.

I was happy I was sad

I cried I laughed

I kept walking.

After 3 years…

Think I am getting no where.

It is me who is too stubborn or the story does not end yet?

How long is too long?